A Delicate Balance

I have noticed a pattern in regards to emotions. When an intense emotion is triggered, the first response is to RUN..retreat…or hurl myself into thought which is simply another contraction and takes me out of the experience of pure emotion. Also on a even more subtle level, I may feel intense emotional contraction and escape into witness consciousness.

These are ways that I have avoided the intense sensation of emotion that stem from post traumatic stress from my childhood.

Since this is ALL Shakti’s play and She is the only actress, then these intense emotions are part of that play and there is a reason for them. The reason is HEALING.

The healing happens fastest when I TRUST Shakti enough to stay in the intense emotion and sensation in my body, just feel it and acknowledge that small Michelle is not able to heal these recurring samskaras, only God can. So I ask Shakti to help “me” stay PRESENT and be open to the feeling the energy in my body and all that entails until Shakti decides to expand it back into itself.

As soon as Michelle thinks she has to “figure this out” and “make the Right decision” the suffering increases, the contraction gets tighter and I again am lost in identification of being the “doer” again.(karma mala)

Allowing the contraction of emotion to melt, soften and or expand back into the pure energy SUPPORTS the healing process.

Then if thoughts arise or insights from this place of allowing I am led to another piece of the puzzle. The difference is, it is offered from a deep place of LOVE. This LOVE is everything and always present and yet if I am HOLDING onto contraction by avoiding it or prolonging it by creating stories, I miss the big upward shift.

Shakti is deciding to experience herself through this process of waking up and healing in the from of Michelle. Her deepest desire is to align my individual will with her WILL again and again and again until the recognition that There ONLY IS HER WILL is the state of Awareness. Shakti in the form of Michelle can choose how to respond to the play as it is unfolding.